Online Dating

Tonight was the “join Chemistry for free” weekend. I took the test, which was kind of interesting. My test results were Negotiator:

You are interested in the big picture. You see holistically and can be visionary. You are friendly and humane. You have a big heart; you tend to trust people and sympathize with them easily. You intuitively know what they are thinking and feeling. And because you are agreeable and mentally flexible, you go out of your way to make others comfortable and happy. You seek to make intimate, meaningful friendships.
Your empathy and altruism spill over into a desire to make the world a better place. And with your resilience and imagination, your ability to do many things at the same time, your people skills and your command of language, you can be remarkably effective at improving the lives of others.
You are also traditional. You have clear moral values and tend to stick to your point of view. Yet you almost always seek consensus and harmony, and are willing to give up some of your pleasures to build an orderly, harmonious home and family life.
And then we follow with three warnings:
1. But because you can see so many angles to an issue or decision, you can be indecisive.
2. Your need to please can make you placating and your trusting nature can make you gullible.
3. When you feel betrayed you can be unforgiving and hold a grudge too long.

Good call on my personality. I definitely decide this ride could be worth it. If they can pinpoint me better than a horoscope, they can do so with everyone else that joins. But interesting enough, my match of negotiator has been paired with every other type out there. So it begs the question...what was the point of personality types again? Definitely not my first contact...

I am man that needs a woman that injoys having fun. I am active and injoy movies and good food and a woman that injoys the same. I also want a woman that injoys staying in and having fun with one another. I also work in a field that takes alot of my time so I need a strong woman that injoy the time we have and not wast it life is to short.
Hello?! Typos, people! He used the word injoys (so apparently it's not just a typo, but a bigger sin...an eek- misspelling) FIVE times and the word woman FOUR times, like a caveman insisting she have a ponytail to drag her around. Does anyone else get the impression that he has his own agenda and wants a woman to jump when he snaps? Because a strong woman certainly wouldn't have her own life...she would understand his precious life is short. Hell, depending on how strong she really is, she might help with the shortening. I hear belladonna works. Just saying.

Rather than let my author mind wander again with the tragic story of his poisoning, I simply hit the delete key. Scrolling through my next matches were photo-less choices. Four more times I hit delete before my child noticed the repetitive tapping. “Hey, that's shallow. You're acting like a man.”

I blink innocently. Really? Moi? “You think I should give hideously ugly, cowardly men who aren't even brave enough to post a picture a chance?”

“Well, if they have kids,” she says slyly, scrolling down to read a profile of one with three tiny tots.
Ugh, the picture of the caveman comes to mind, dumping off his brats on me while he goes out with the guys, then stops home for a little bit of me flat on my back quality time because his life's so short time.

“They might be demon seeds,” I warn her.

Apparently my child is a negotiator also, for her answer rolls off her tongue. “If we catch 'em young enough, they're convertible.”

The next profile has a picture. We both give a shocked gasp. The poor fella is a redhead, not the outdoorsy type though. The sickly, wan, never seen the sun type of redhead. Yet, he attempted a little tan for the photo, which just earns him a sunburn on the tip of his bulbous nose. He sports a goatee, which appears thin because it grows blond. Sometimes, a man wears facial hair as a replacement for the lack on top his head. I look higher.

Bingo. His red hair is curly and he grows the locks longer on top of his head, as if disguising the fact that it's long past the thinning stage. But all he really managed to do was change his appearance to that of Bozo the Clown.

Now, I'm open minded. But I can't imagine waking up to Bozo each morning. Nor can I imagine humping Bozo.

I hit delete.

“Wait!” My child screams. “Check the kids! We could have cute, redheaded stepchildren!”

“Shiiit. Too late,” I drawl, as if I really cared. “Oops, mommy didn't say shit.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Did not,” I argue back.

Then I read the Chemistry directions, inwardly wincing. One of my faults, plunging in and doing things all wrong...

Deleting your matches results in more matches produced the next day. Oh, bravo!

Looking forward to Day Two, now that I've weeded out the clowns and the cavemen.