What Women Want

At some point, your siblings grow up. Right?
Not if they're male.

One of my little brothers (I still say little but he's 38) calls me in the middle of the night. (All my brothers think this is humorous, because of a tendency I have to have complete conversations when woken from a dead slumber, babbling about every secret I have, with no remembrance the next day.)

“'ello?” Thees ees your Latin Lover...Raoul,” he says in a disguised voice.

I hear giggling in the background, and the voice of my other brother, who's now 35, says, “Tell her you're with J-J-Javier.”

I hang up on them. The last time they called, they were Julio and Eduardo. Mostly, they've been a pain in my ass since the day they were born.
But a hangup doesn't stop the texts from coming.
“You go, girl. You're a cougar. You're a stealthy hunter. Now go get your prey!”

So I took their bass-ackwards advice, in the way my darling brothers would expect. Cougar AND Latin lover... at once.
And learned one other thing in the process. I tried something else I detested.

Coffee.

It wasn't so bad. Of course, part of the reason was: it was from the lips of the lover.

So while I didn't mind the coffee, I thought back to the other list of likes and dislikes that I have. The lover was curious. What is the line of distinction between confident and cocky listed on my website?

It's hard to explain.

Partly, it's mental. The confident man has to have intelligence and honesty. Honesty has two flavors, good and bad. You can't have one without the other.

“I'm not perfect,” the lover says. “I enjoy life.”

That's the distinction right there. The honesty in the verbiage. The look in his eyes. The directness; the connection.

Unlike the last guy I dated (only once, mind you) who began a conversation with telling me he's has so much confidence he can get any woman he chooses, even though he wasn't much of a prize. Um, well actually--technically, that part was honesty – but it doesn't count if he doesn't know it.

Further honesty went south. The last girl he'd chosen was seven months pregnant and he was on the prowl for someone new. Because he'd simply gotten “bored” with her. And apparently their new child. Pompously, he explained, “Genetically, it's impossible for men to stay with one woman. We get tired of sex with the same person.”

Sigh. He's telling the woman he's interested in that he's going to get tired of her? Err, me?

That was cocky, not confident. No, past cocky. That was an A-hole.

Confident means you don't care what you look like. So, please, don't constantly glance in the mirrors of restaurants or windows you walk by. If you like someone, you ask them out. You don't worry that they may not find you attractive. Chemistry isn't really about looks, is it? And looks depend upon personality. If the good shines from the inside out, you're attractive. If you're rotted inside, it exudes. Whoever thought confident versus cocky would be so hard to explain? Let's try a more simplified list:

Men who leer at you – cocky.
Men who look at other women while with one – cocky.
Men who hold you too close when you dance – cocky.
Men with too much cologne – cocky.
Men who call you with what they “want” - cocky.
Men who remind you of their self-worth – cocky.

Men who are professional – confident.
Men who smell good only when your lips are against his throat – confident.
Men who call you because they want nothing other than a conversation - confident.
Men who let you decide if they're worth your time – confident.

Yes, we think you're attractive or we wouldn't be with you. It's actually a huge turn-off when a man tries for another female's attention so you'll think he's irresistible. I only care that you're irresistible to me.